The story I am about to tell might seem like nothing to some people, but it is something to me. And if nothing else, keep in mind that I have four years worth of stories about how I, and other grad students, have been blatantly mistreated. And in the big picture this story by itself is not that big of a deal, but it’s like that Chinese torture: death by a thousand cuts. Each cut is small, but added up, they will kill you. What’s that about a straw breaking a camel’s back…
The most recent situation began a few months ago. My advisor (Dr. Trauth) told me that the TV show Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe would be coming to ASU to do a segment with him. Before he could even begin to tell me the details, I got excited and told him about how I loved that show and wanted to get Mike to come catch watersnakes with me, but unfortunately, Kristen Stanford beat me to it and had Mike catch Lake Erie watersnakes with her. After I calmed down and I asked why he was coming to ASU, Trauth told me he was coming to catch Alligator Snapping Turtles (AST’s) and since there wasn’t currently a turtler in the lab I may get to be involved. That was great news! However, this is secret and needs to remain quiet. That’s fine with me; I can certainly keep secrets. I didn’t even tell my closest friends for fear of jinxing it.
Later, he tells me he might need my help to get the boats ready and wants to know if I’ll be around during spring break (he assumes I have nothing better to do during spring break!). I mention that I could be around part of the time if he needs me, but that the end of the week would work better for me. He says that wouldn’t work for him and would need me at the beginning of the week. He says he could do it by himself if he needs to, but would rather have some help. I assume he’ll either do it himself or wait until later since our schedules do not match up.
A few weeks later, I was talking with Trauth about something (not important) and conversation turned to Dirty Jobs. Trauth mentions in passing that he has enlisted Ben (a former graduate student who doesn’t even live in Jonesboro) to drive the jet boat. I assumed that meant I would not get to be involved, but Trauth did not mention it one way or the other; he just said Ben would drive the jet boat.
Towards the end of April I go to Trauth’s office and he hands me a piece of paper he has just printed out. It is a copy of an email exchange between Tanja McKay (one of the few uncorrupt professors in the department) and the Dirty Jobs people. Apparently, they are also going to do a segment with dung beetles based on my friend, and fellow grad student, Justin Fiene’s research. Dr. McKay and Justin are nice people. Personally, I am happy for them. But Trauth starts complaining that Tanja was so excited that she emailed them and now they will probably start communicating through her instead of through him. Talk about an ego. I wanted to slap him right then. Later on he says, “You know, if I had broken you in on driving the jet boat, you could have been a part of this.” He said something else, but I don’t remember what it was. I just remember my hopes going down the drain and I said, “Well, that’s just how my luck is.” That’s what loyalty gets you around here.
A few days later, he asks me if I would be out of town any in the next few weeks. I said I wasn’t sure (my birthday was the next week and I wasn’t certain of my plans at the time). He said to let him know if I planned to leave for a few days because he needed my help to get the boat out and get it ready for Dirty Jobs. I said I had thought about leaving for a few days, but I hadn't decided yet. He said if I did decide to leave to send him an email otherwise he’d be upset. He said it jokingly, but it still bothered me. He needed my help for a show which I can't be a part of and he'd be upset if I leave town for a few days without telling him! Gimme a break!
A day or two later, Trauth tells me that I may have to be involved with Dirty jobs after all. He seemed to be getting upset with Ben. Ben has a history of dragging his feet, being late, and generally being unreliable at times. So I became the back up. The more Ben gets on Trauth’s nerves, the better I look and the more likely he will choose me instead of Ben. It’s a good thing I had been patient through this thing; it might work out for me yet!
Trauth finally decides to get his boats ready and schedules a day to do that and get my help. I spend an entire day helping him. This involves holding a makeshift funnel while Trauth pours in some gas and gets it all over my hands and having me hold in a pin in the fuel hose while he pumps gas through it to clear up a blockage and I get more gas spewed on my hands. Since I spent the day helping him when I could be working on my research, he begrudgingly buys my lunch…from McDonalds. But, the whole day, he talks about how Ben is unreliable and always late. The one thing he can’t have on this project is someone who is going to be late. I’m looking better all the time.
One of his boats never got fixed by the boat mechanics, so I had to spend a second day helping him. He says, “I guess I have to buy your lunch again.” Glad I could be of service. After we get the boat back, he takes me to Lake Frierson to practice driving the boat and tells me to make sure I’m around the first week of June just in case. This is really looking good now! He’s still worried about Ben being unreliable, and his original reason for bumping me was because I had never driven the jet boat. Now I’ve driven the boat and there’s no reason I can’t help out! This is great! As long as Trauth can’t trust Ben then I’m a shoe in! He asks if I have a hitch on my truck and I said I didn’t but I could buy one for $20 or $30 dollars so it’s not a problem. He mentions the electrical hook-ups. Not a problem, Dr. Trauth, I have that part already.
The last week of May, Trauth makes sure he has my cell phone number in case he needs me. Things are still looking great. I’m certainly glad I didn’t burn the bridge with Trauth when he first bumped me for Ben, because now it’s looking like there’s a good chance I will get to be involved. But Trauth is still worried and he tells me he is getting as many contingency plans as possible and his son is coming from Waco, Texas. Trauth tells me, “You’re not my right hand man, even though you should be. Ben is still that.” Then he says if Ben can’t help him then his son is going to help. I got bumped again! I’m now his third choice! He tells me I’ll still be involved somehow, and I’m thinking “Yeah, I’ll be answering your phone saying, ‘Sorry, Dr. Trauth can’t come to phone right now, he’s out filming Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe. Can I take a message?” Then Trauth tells me, “If you had a hitch on your truck you would be in like flint.” Are you kidding me!? I told you I could buy one!
A couple days later, he calls me and says he needs some more DI water (DI = deionized). I said, “Yeah, the DI machine is on the 5th floor.” And he said, “Yeah”. And I said, “So that's where you can go to get it.” He kind of laughed and said they had turned the water off and the pump that circulates the water to keep the transmission electron microscope cool had overheated and now he needed some more water to refill the tank and see if it would still work. I said, “So you need me to come down and help.” And he said, “Yeah.” So, I helped him and Sarah clean things up down there and get some more water. And during this time, he mentions again that he may need me the next week to set traps for Dirty Jobs. He said, “I hate to keep telling you yes and then no, but I still haven't heard from Ben, yet.” Somewhat sarcastically (but not enough for him to realize) I said, “What about your son?” He said, “Oh, he's still coming, but I still need someone else to help me set out traps.” He mentioned a day or two before that Mike Rowe might help with the traps, but I doubted it. He said, "You know I used to have students who were dying to go out like this, but not anymore. Uh, not that you don't want to. I just don't have any turtlers, although those other students weren't necessarily turtlers. But I'm not even a turtle biologist." Keep backpedalling, Dr. Trauth. I said (jokingly, but truthfully), "Is that an insult? I see how it is. You don't like me and wish you had another student." As I was leaving his office he said, “So there's about a 90% chance I'll need you Wednesday about 1:00.” And I said, “So I should expect a call at 12:30 saying Ben just called and he's going.” He laughed, but I was being serious.
Later, Trauth tells me there is a 95% chance he will need me to set out traps. A day later he needs me to help mend the nets to get them ready to trap turtles (which took a few hours to do and he very begrudgingly bought my lunch again. And people think I’m cheap!). I met him at his office. When I went to his office that morning he told me he would in fact need me to help set them out. Apparently Ben is cut out of the whole deal now. Trauth said I was 'sucking on the hind tit' since I would help set them out, but not be there to check them with Dirty Jobs. He also said it hit the fan at his house the night before over Ben vs. his son helping check them. In the end blood is thicker than water so Trauth let Ben know that his son was going to help instead. He said there was a chance that some Dirty Jobs people may tag along to get some film footage when we set them out, but I doubted it. He also said he invited the crew for supper and hadn't heard back, but he would try to include me since I'd been helping. One of my friends who I had now been airing my grievances to said, “Don't hold your breath with anything dealing with Trauth. I wouldn't be surprised if you were on your way to set traps and he dropped you off and picked up Ben.” Wouldn’t surprise me either.
Also, while in his office that day, he gets a call from the Arkansas Game and Fish Commission (AGFC). You see, AST’s are protected in Arkansas and so the AGFC have to grant permission to do anything with them. Also, this project would require four boats to carry everyone; Trauth only had two boats. So AGFC was supplying the permission to work with a protected species, two boats, and two fisheries biologists. The guy on the phone happened to be the PR guy for AGFC. They wanted to send a fifth boat out with a film crew from AGFC for their TV show. Trauth didn’t think the crew would go for that since this was supposed to be secret, plus that fifth boat might be just too much. Trauth said they could bring back a turtle and the AGFC film crew could interview Mike with the turtle at the boat ramp. Then the AGFC biologists could take the turtle back where it came from and everyone would be happy, but that would need to be cleared with the Dirty Jobs crew (which it was). The funny part was that the PR guy for AGFC said, and I’m paraphrasing, “you know, we’re supplying two boats and two biologists, it’s a protected species and it’s public water. We could just show up if we wanted to, but we won’t do that.”
Earlier this week, the crew arrived and Trauth was set to meet with them a couple days before we set traps out. So before they come he has me help get the fish out and put the nails in them and get them ready. He does about half and then says we'll wait and he'll show the crew that part to see if they want Mike Rowe involved. Well, he calls me when the crew gets there and as I head to the herp range I'm wondering why he needs me there and it dawns on me...he needs me to clean up afterwards. I get to the herp range and he's there talking to a couple of guys and they don't care about the fish so I'm thinking I'll have to finish getting the fish ready and then clean up. Well, they start talking about setting the traps out and apparently they are going to go and film about 30 seconds worth of footage while I'm there (I'll probably end up on the cutting room floor...and Mike won't be there anyway). They start discussing how many people will be there and they say, "Okay, we'll have three guys and you'll have a helper..." At this point I'm thinking, "Hey, I'm right here, Dr. Trauth. Now would be a good time to introduce 'your helper' to the crew." But it doesn't even cross his mind. As they get ready to leave Trauth says to me, "We'll just finish the fish up later." And I said, "Well I figured you'd want me to finish it up now." He doesn't detect any sarcasm. He says, "Oh, yeah. Then put 'em in the cooler and cover them with ice." And they walk out the door and he still doesn't even introduce me to them. They ignored my presence the entire time! I was thinking there was a better than average chance that Trauth would ditch me for Ben to set traps out. I was waiting for the call any minute...
I told my aforementioned friend about the situation and here was his response (slightly edited by me for language): “You know your e-mails really don't have any direct affect on me, but they always seem to raise my blood pressure a little. If I hadn't moved, I have little doubt that Trauth and I would have had one of those Trauth/Ben screaming matches. Everytime I think about that &*% I just want to kick him in the nose.” I concur. He then offers this advice: “Also, I will throw out some advice. Even if you can't get into another school, I would leave ASU as soon as you get your MS done. Take a year off if you need and try again. ASU is going down and it seems like it will take you with it if you're not careful.”
The day before we set traps out, I stop by to see Trauth and make sure he still needs me. I jokingly said, “So do you still need me or did Ben decide to help you set out traps.” I said it jokingly, but in all seriousness I was afraid Ben would get to help instead of me. The reason I wanted to help so bad even though I wouldn’t be there to help them check the traps is that I was still holding out for a chance to meet Mike. Trauth confirms that Ben is cut out of the entire thing and he does need me to help.
So, the day we go to set out traps I am to meet Trauth and his son at the boat compound on the ASU farm at 12:15 pm. I get there at about 12:00 and put on some sun screen and wait for them to show up. I notice a KAIT8 news vehicle at the farm (where the dung beetle research occurs) and thought to myself, “I thought this was supposed to be kept quiet.” Trauth and his son arrive and we hook up the boats. I asked Trauth about the news crew and said I thought it was a secret. He said somebody must have leaked it. As we are hooking up the boats, Trauth’s son, Ryan, mentions that I am probably better at this than him. I told him that I had only been on the jet boat once and I have never been on the turtle boat. He said we were tied then. I figured Ryan had driven the boats more than that. I mean, I know he’s not a biologist (he’s an engineer), but still, didn’t he go fishing with his dad and brother when they would take the jet boat out?
Just as we are about to leave, the news crew finish harassing, er, I mean interviewing Mike. I didn’t see Mike at first, just the news crew. Trauth says he is going to introduce himself and he’ll be right back. As we wait for him I finally see Mike Rowe come around the corner. Trauth talks to him for a minute, completely disregarding us, and then comes back. He makes no mention of Mike, but the first thing he tells me is to go park near the Lab Science building and meet them in the herp range to get the fish. I get to the herp range first, irritated, but not surprised, that Trauth passed up another opportunity to introduce his student to someone like Mike Rowe.
When Trauth gets to the herp range he says, “If you had come over there I would have introduced you.” Sure you would have. I’m guessing he just thought of that about two steps before he walked in the door to meet me. So Trauth takes the fish down to load it onto the boat and sends me to get a couple buckets full of ice. He doesn’t give me a cart. So I have to carry two 5-gallon buckets 2/3 full of ice from the ice room in one wing of the building to where the boat is parked on the other side of the other wing of the building. When I get there, he and his son are not there. So I put the ice into the cooler myself and take the buckets back to the herp range. When I get back they are there and we are ready to go.
We all get in his vehicle for him to take us to where the other boat is parked and where we will meet the crew. As we pull out, he says to me, “You won’t believe what else I’ve been asked to do.” Knowing that when he’s asked to do something it often means I have to do something, I ask “Do I want to know?” He says, “No.” And I said, “Then don’t tell me.” There’s silence. He must think I was joking, but I was dead serious. He says, “It will affect you, too.” I said, “Will it keep me from graduating?” He said, “It could delay it.” Oh my goodness, not again. He says, “No. I’m joking. You should still graduate. I just got a message from Sustich (Interim Dean of the College of Sciences and Mathematics). Ron Johnson turned down the chair’s position. So guess who it goes to.” I said, “Why did Dr. Johnson turn it down?” He said, “I guess they didn’t give him what he wanted.”
As we get near to where Ryan’s SUV and the other boat are parked as well as the film crew, we were talking about things that go on at ASU. I made a sarcastic remark about nepotism, which they both interpreted to be solely about the situation we were discussing, but I also had other things in mind. Ryan then tells me about nepotism where he works and then says that ‘oh yeah, I’m not even a biologist; I’m an engineer. But just getting to go out with the film crew is exciting to me.’ I paraphrased.
We meet up with three guys from the crew and Trauth finally introduces me to them. But I guess it would seem strange if he had introduced his son to them and completely ignored the other guy standing right there (me). The guys going are Dave (the producer), Doug (a cameraman, I think), and Ryan (a lower ranking cameraman?). Hereafter, if I say ‘Ryan’, I mean Ryan Trauth. If I’m referring to Ryan the cameraman, I’ll say ‘Ryan the cameraman’.
Trauth asks them when there will be a news conference with him and Mike Rowe since KAIT8 did one about the dung beetle project that day. Dave said there wouldn’t be another one, but the news crew might contact Trauth. Trauth doesn’t seem to get it and wants to know if it will be Friday since Mike would be leaving soon. Dave says, no, Mike is not doing another one, but the news people might talk to Trauth individually. He seemed somewhat upset about that. Man, get over it.
So we hit the road. I’m riding with Trauth. Ryan is behind us. The crew is behind Ryan. Over the drive from Jonesboro to Jacksonport, Trauth and I discuss several things: whether or not he should be chair, some rattlesnake research that has just come up, Dirty Jobs, etc. Trauth mentions that Dirty Jobs turned down the invitation for supper so there's one opportunity to meet Mike down the tube. At one point Trauth calls his wife to let her know that he has been offered the chairmanship of the department. It’s a thankless, paper-pushing job. I overhear one side of the conversation and it seems like she doesn’t want him to take it, but he wants to. Her reasoning is that it’s too much work for not enough recognition. Hey, I think I know about that. His reasoning is that if he doesn’t take it, someone else will get it and he doesn’t want that person to get the job. Then apparently his wife mentions that if he were chair she could get in a tenure-track position instead of just an instructor’s position. He says he can’t do that or everyone would notice that blatant nepotism and he could get fired. Wow. I guess he does have his limits. Later he tells me about how his son was so excited when he heard Dirty Jobs was coming and how that was one of his favorite programs and he planned his weeklong vacation just to be there when it happened. Then he tells me about how he was on the phone with Ben about the Dirty Jobs thing and Trauth’s wife really went at him about Ben helping instead of their son who was coming from Waco, Texas. Apparently, it was loud enough that even Ben could hear on the phone and said, “Doc, why don’t I just bow out of this one?” You’re a good man, Ben; I wouldn’t have done so.
When we get to Jacksonport, we get things ready in the boats. I’m the only one that dressed to get in the water. Go figure. We go to set out turtle traps and everyone dresses to stay dry! So I’m the one that has to wade out to move the boat to the side after we launch it, so the second boat can be launched. Then I hold the boats steady while everyone climbs in their respective boats. Finally, I get in with Trauth in the turtle boat, Ryan and the crew get in the jet boat. We take off and then Trauth realizes he has managed to pull the plug out of the boat and we are taking on water. He motions the other boat over and tells them to stay behind while he goes really fast to draw the water out and then they can catch up. So he drives as fast as he can with the plug out to try to get the water out and then plugs it and slows down. It didn’t work that great, but it would have to do. The other boat catches up but was going really slow, so he motions them over again and says one of the crew can ride with us until we get there. Ryan shows his lack of boat driving skill here by not getting the boats close together. So I have to paddle our boat until I can just reach the other boat and pull us together and Dave jumps into our boat.
We take off again. We talk about different things as we go: the scenery, turtles, etc. I tell Dave about how I wanted them to come catch watersnakes with me, but Kristen Stanford beat me to it. We generally have a good ride even if it did take a half hour. The crew films us from the other boat some. But like I say, it will probably end up on the cutting room floor (but everything is digital these days so maybe I should say it will end up in the recycle bin on their desktop?).
When we get to Dota Creek, Dave gets back in the jet boat with the crew and we get ready to set out traps. Dave says that when Mike is there with the rest of the film crew that they will need Trauth and Mike on one side of the traps with the film crew in the boat on the other side of the traps. Trauth says they can’t do that since the traps are beside the bank and there’s no room for a boat in between the trap and the bank. I said, "You could put one in front of the trap and one behind." Then Trauth says, “I know, we can put one boat in front of the trap and another behind.” Dave says that will work and I think, “Why, you’re very welcome Dr. Trauth. Glad I could help.”
So we set out the first trap. Trauth is a perfectionist when it comes to how the traps are set out. He told me that if it wasn’t to his liking we would do it again. So after every trap is set I asked, “Are you happy with this one?” Well, we made pretty good time and set out six traps before the sky started to darken. I had checked the weather and knew that it would start to storm and last all night. Trauth thought it would only last for a little while and stop. After the sixth trap, Trauth decided that we would wait since it was about to come up a bad cloud and we would just wait out the storm under some trees at the edge of the water. So he situated our boat so that he was under the trees and I was out in the open. The other boat with the crew was also situated under the trees; I was the only one in the open. It hadn’t started raining yet and I thought we should just set traps as long as we could, but I kept it to myself. I laid back and rested while Trauth bailed water out of the boat (there was still plenty of water in our boat) and the crew were just passing the time with conversation. At one point Trauth took a picture of the crew and I told him to take my picture because no one would believe me if I told them I helped with a production of Dirty Jobs. So he took my picture (see below).
Eventually, it started to rain…hard. It came a severe thunderstorm. No, I’m serious. Ryan called his wife and we were listed by the weather service as being under a severe thunderstorm. Trauth and his son figured it would last 30 to 45 minutes and we’d be out of it. I sat there getting rained on more than anyone (because I was out in the open while everyone else was under the trees), but I never complained. It began thundering and lightening all around us…big and loud. After about ten minutes there was a HUGE CRACK, which I assumed was more thunder until I heard a splash behind me. The crew jumped and Trauth about jumped out of his seat. I had my back turned and barely moved since I thought it was thunder. When I heard the splash I figured it wasn’t thunder, but that I was still okay, so it didn’t really bother me. If I had been facing the other way, though, I would have seen a large limb break out of the trees and land about ten feet behind me. Ten feet over and that would have hurt really bad.
As we sat there getting soaked to the bone (me more than the others) I thought, “You know, this is what it’s like as a grad student at ASU everyday…metaphorically speaking.” I never complained, but sat there freezing, soaking, but sat there with a slight smirk on my face, undetectable to the others, because I was the most calm of anyone. Doug and Ryan the cameraman took turns videoing the storm (which they don’t get in L.A.) trying to get some footage of lightening (which was quite close at times). They got a tarp out to try to keep some things dry and eventually Ryan the cameraman got tired of being wet and climbed inside the tarp with only his face showing at times. Once I even noticed Doug with the camera pointed at me, sitting there, water dripping off me, not complaining at all. Again, cutting room floor.
After about an hour and a half of driving rain, Trauth decided it wasn’t going to quit and we should set the other half of the traps in the rain. The crew wanted to head back home since they had enough footage. Trauth said we should stay together since you never know what could happen. So we took off. Trauth and I set out the second set of six traps in record speed. The crew would kind of follow us and then park underneath some trees to try to keep from getting rained on. We set out some perfect traps if I do say so myself. When we would be setting out traps I would be fine. But when we were driving to the next spot and I was sitting there still, I would freeze from being cold and wet and I really had to go to the bathroom. Thankfully, I have the bladder of a camel and made it until we got back and had the boats back on the trailers.
After we got the twelfth, and last, trap set the crew was quite happy to be done since we were already later than we thought we would be. Dave got back in the turtle boat with me and Trauth and we headed back to the boat ramp. I was chumming the water with the fish blood as we went back. When we got to the first net that we had set out about 3 or 4 hours before, Trauth stopped us and said as tradition we always check the first trap. I don’t think Dave and the crew were particularly happy. They just wanted to get back. But the first trap was messed up and we knew something had messed it up. As we drove up to it, I lifted it up. About three or four large carp started splashing and getting us wet (we were already soaked so who cares). Then Dave said there was a turtle, too. I looked to my left and just entering the trap was about a 25 pound AST. I said, “It’s an Alligator Snapper, too.” Trauth was happy. Now what do we do? Do we leave it overnight and wait for Mike to be there? It could get out, especially since it wasn’t in all the way. We could take it back, but we don’t have a place for it. We decided to take it back anyway. We couldn’t risk letting it get away. So we pull the trap back into the boat and the turtle falls out into the boat. It’s walking around snapping at things. Its mouth is big enough to fit both of my fists inside and it’s not even a big AST. We start grabbing the fish for future bait and the turtle starts to climb out of the boat. I grab its hind legs to keep it in the boat. Then people start telling me how to hold it (not realizing that I’ve held a few AST’s before and I don’t need a TV producer to tell me what to do). I thought we just wanted to keep it in the boat, I didn’t know we wanted to have it hovering in mid-air while someone holds it. Excuse me for trying to conserve my energy. So I pick it up, only to hold it for a few seconds before they tell me set it back down and we put the trap on top of it to keep it from going anywhere. Then Trauth sticks his chest out and throws some things around like he’s the king of the world. Thanks for the show, Doc.
So now we head back to the boat ramp. About a 20 minute drive while soaking wet and freezing. About 10 or 15 minutes in I got used to it and started to dry out from the wind. We make it back and start getting the boats loaded up while the rain picks up again. I start to feel the aches in my body from setting out traps. My knees especially are hurting where I braced myself by placing my knees against the side of the aluminum boat while I leaned over to put the traps in the water. I’m scratched up from various things along the way. And of course, since the hoops in the traps are made of fiberglass, I have about a million fiberglass splinters in my hands, arms, and legs. And, due to the rain delay, we still haven’t had supper and it’s past suppertime. And oh, yeah, we’re not stopping on the way home.
As we get the boats tied down and things loaded up, Trauth mentions that there may be room for me when they go to check the traps with Mike. He says he really needs me there anyway. He says he’ll ask if it’s okay and even if it’s not, he’ll introduce me to Mike Rowe. Just show up at 9:00 am at the farm. Okay, I’ll be there.
Since I’m soaking wet, Trauth gets a bunch of snake bags for me to sit on in his SUV and we head out. It’s now after dark. The AST is still in the boat under the trap where Trauth plans to keep it all night, assuming it doesn’t get out. As we leave the rain gets worse. You almost can’t see the road. Trauth is amazed and wonders who could have known it would be this bad. I didn’t tell him I did since I had checked the weather beforehand. He mentions another time or two that since I had helped a lot that he thought I should get to go along, too, when Mike is there. There is still hope, I thought. Maybe Trauth is not as selfish as he seems at times. He mentions that the deal breaker for me was that I didn’t have a hitch on my truck. Now I know he is lying, because he didn’t even ask me about a hitch until AFTER he had replaced me with Ben! Besides, I told him I could buy one. He calls his wife as we get closer and tells her that he will have to take me back to school and get rid of the fish we picked up before coming home. He requests some dry clothes and warm food to be waiting for him. She reminds him to give me some money for supper. I’m still waiting on that. But if he offers it now, I will not accept it.
When we get back to school I go to get some buckets to put the fish in as he goes to get the key to the necropsy room with the freezers since he left the key in his office. I get back and put the fish in the bucket, but one of the fish is hung in the net with the snapper. When Trauth gets back he holds the net up while I get the fish out. He wants to know how many fish there are, but I can’t really see and I can’t hold onto them since my hands are now covered in fish blood and slime. He says we’ll count them later and says again that he’ll ask if I can go along, but at least he’ll introduce me to Mike if nothing else. Just be at the farm at 9:00 am. You bet; I’m there.
He leaves for home while I take the fish up to the necropsy room, fill the bucket with water, and put them in the freezer. Then I wash my hands (you can’t get rid of the fish smell, though) and go to the mail room where I have a box of frozen rats that need to go in the freezer also. I’m still waiting for the department to reimburse me for those, too. To a grad student, $175 is a lot of money. Anyway, I do that and go to my office to check my email. Nothing important, but I do send an email to a friend of mine (previously mentioned) that I might get to go after all, but I should at least get to meet Mike Rowe. My friend responds thusly: “Don't hold your breath. He told me he would ask Sir David [Attenborough] too. Joe confirmed that he did no such thing. Either way, good luck.”
By the time I leave school it is after 10:30 pm. All I’ve had to eat are a plain biscuit and cinnamon melt from McDonalds and two candy bars around lunch time. I’m starved. I go pick up some food and eat supper at almost 11:00 pm. Then I go take a shower. My knees are killing me by this time. But I’m excited about the morning. I set FIVE alarm clocks all at about five or ten minute intervals to make sure I wake up. But I didn’t need five; it only took one.
During the night I couldn’t sleep. My stomach was full from a late supper, my knees were throbbing, every time I moved I was aware of every fiberglass splinter in my hands, arms, and legs, and there were a few raw scratches on me. My knees hurt so bad that I dreamed that my right knee was bitten twice by copperheads and my left knee was bitten once and they were both swelling up and painful. Strange. But I wake up with the first alarm clock, turn off all the others, get a shower to wake me up, and listen to the radio while I get ready. The guy on the radio keeps talking about Mike Rowe from Dirty Jobs being in town to do a segment with a couple of grad students about dung beetles. He mentions their names: Matt Connior and Justin Fine (he mispronounced Fiene [pheeney]). He mentions it in between about every song. I thought, “Wow, they really dropped the ball on keeping this a secret.” Then I head in to school early. I’ve got plenty of time.
I check my email and kill some time. I had already added up how many people would be there: 12. And four boats. That’s three people per boat. Putting a fourth person in a boat is a stretch, but at least I’ll get to meet Mike Rowe. So before I leave my office I make sure I have my camera so I can get a picture with him. I leave early to make sure I am there on time. I turn onto the road to the farm at 8:50 am, ten minutes EARLY. I see some cars coming out. I thought to myself that better not be them. As I drive past them I see Trauth in the driver’s seat of his SUV pulling his boat. Ryan is behind him with the other boat and there’s about three more cars behind. They left early without waiting for me to arrive to meet Mike. I’m sure Trauth didn’t even make an attempt to wait for me.
I turn around and go home, listening to another radio station who is also talking about Mike Rowe being in town, and then I walk back to school. I get some work done on my research. Then Matt Connior walks into my office. He tells me about how he just did a phone interview for one of the radio stations, and how the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette had been talking to Mike and the other grad student I think. He told me how the PR guy for ASU is totally unprofessional and is probably the person who leaked the story to the media and he really did a bad job of the whole deal. He allowed KAIT8 to come do a conference with Mike when he could have told them no (which he should have done). And then KAIT8 was supposed to wait until Friday before running the story so that the crew would have time to leave town, but they ran it Wednesday afternoon, the same day. Doesn’t surprise me. He tells me how the filming went for the dung beetle segment. He talks about how Mike is a great guy and he makes up all the letters that ‘viewers’ write in to the show. He makes up things there on the spot and he’s a funny guy. He ripped the crotch of his pants jumping over a fence and tried to sew it up with some thread that Matt has when he does surgeries on gophers. It ripped again. This time he really sewed it up and it was really obvious and he was making jokes about it. Tanja was kind of embarrassed about it. He tells about how the farm guys were all following them around and the crew was like, “Okay, we can only have these three people here.” Then the farm guys were watching and videoing from the window. He talked about how Dave almost put some pig manure in his mouth on a dare before Justin and Matt stopped him. Then he asked about the AST stuff. I tell him about it. He’s surprised that Ryan is there and not me. He says, “What if they ask him how he’s involved? What’s he gonna say? ‘Oh, I’m his son?’ That’s not right.” I agree.
Later I get an email from Tanja who needs something that Trauth was supposed to get for her. I go to Trauth’s lab and find them and bring them to her. When I get to her office she’s telling a couple of professors about the filming; the same thing I had heard from Matt. Then they ask about the AST stuff and I tell them about setting out the traps and the incident with the storm and I almost died from a falling limb and now they are checking traps. I didn’t mention how I was supposed to meet Mike that morning but they left early without even telling me. I’m happy for Matt, Justin, and Tanja. I really am. They are nice people and I’m glad for them. But every time I heard them talk excitedly about the show, it was a bitter reminder of how much work I had done without even a thank you, but rather being slighted every time I thought things were looking up.
I went to another grad student’s office and told him that I thought Trauth was trying to send me a message and told him the story about almost getting to meet Mike. He wasn’t surprised. That’s the way things work around here. I spent the rest of the day getting research done and hoping they didn’t find any turtles. Yes, I am bitter.
Today, the day after, I slept late. I got to school to find two missed calls from Trauth. Over the course of the day he called four more times. I was there for each of those four, but refused to answer the phone. I don’t want to speak to him, I refuse to go see him, and if I spot him in the hallway I will turn and go the other direction. Finally he sends me an email that says: “The food items in the plastic bag in the EM refrigerator are yours…compliments of the Dirty Jobs crew excesses.” Notice it’s not compliments of the Dirty Jobs crew, but the Dirty Jobs crew excesses; I get the leftovers.
Today my knees are bruised and hurting, I’m scratched up, I’m sore from sitting on a hard boat and setting traps, I still have some raw places on my feet from being in some wet, cheap sandals, I have a knot in my leg from who knows what, I have several days of lost research time, and still a few fiberglass splinters that let me know about them if they get rubbed the wrong way…and Trauth sends me a picture of Mike Rowe with a little snapper. Thanks, Trauth, that’s exactly what I wanted…along with a formal apology for every way you’ve done me wrong over the last four years. I’m waiting…but not holding my breath.
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